Four Common Myths That May Be Holding You Back From Healing Childhood Trauma

Today, I want to explore four common myths that many of us get caught in. I’ve gone through every single one of these myself. These myths often sit quietly in the background of the healing journey. We don’t always realise we’re believing them, but they can seriously slow us down or keep us stuck.

So let’s go through each one and look at what’s really going on underneath.

Myth 1: “It wasn’t that bad”

This is a very common one, especially at the beginning of the healing journey.

We look back at what we went through and shrug it off.“It wasn’t that bad.”“Big deal.”“Others went through worse.”

There’s often a minimising of the gravity of what actually happened.

This doesn’t mean that everything in our childhood was terrible. But if we’ve reached a point in adulthood where we’re dealing with trauma symptoms, then something significant did happen. Things that shouldn’t have happened happened. Or things that should have happened didn’t.

Many of us grew up in environments where our experiences were minimised by caregivers or by the wider environment. Over time, we internalise that. We learn to downplay our own pain.

There’s also often a sense of loyalty. Naming abuse or neglect can feel disloyal to our caregivers. Even acknowledging harm can feel like a betrayal. So minimising becomes a way to cope.

Saying “it wasn’t that bad” is also a way of staying away from the details. If we tell ourselves it wasn’t serious, we don’t have to really look at what it did to us.

But healing starts with honesty. If I’m struggling now, that struggle has an origin. Being able to say, “This did happen. It wasn’t okay. And it affected me,” is a critical starting point.

Myth 2: “Others had it worse”

This one often comes right after the first.

We get to the point of saying, “Okay, something happened,” but then we follow it with, “Others had it worse than me.”

The logic goes something like this:“Yes, this hurt, but at least this didn’t happen. Who am I to complain?”

The problem is that this logic doesn’t actually hold up.

It’s like saying someone cut off my hand, but another person lost both arms and legs, so who am I to complain? Even if others did have it worse, it doesn’t change the fact that losing a hand is still serious.

There will always be someone who had it worse. That comparison never ends. But healing isn’t about ranking pain. It’s about looking at what you went through, how it felt, and how it shaped you.

Often, “others had it worse” is another subtle form of denial. It’s another way of pushing our own experience away and avoiding contact with it.

Whether others had it worse or not doesn’t change the fact that this hurt and that it mattered.

Myth 3: “I just need to get on with my life”

This one sounds practical and mature on the surface.

“I don’t want to spend the next ten years talking about the first ten years of my life.”“What’s done is done.”“I just need to move on.”

There’s often a fear of becoming stuck, of being a victim, of endlessly looping around the past in therapy.

And to be clear, none of us want to stay stuck in a trauma loop forever. But the idea that we can simply turn away from the past and it will disappear is a myth.

Behind “I just need to get on with my life” there is often denial and avoidance.

The truth is, when we do real healing work, we actually do get on with life. We don’t stay stuck in the past. Letting go happens naturally, but only after we’ve turned toward what’s there.

What we call “the past” isn’t actually past. It shows up now, in relationships, in addiction, in anxiety, in shutdown. These are present-moment conditions.

Healing means going back to understand where these patterns took root in our body, thoughts, and emotions. You can’t bypass that by sheer willpower.

Myth 4: “I’m just too broken to heal”

This one often comes after we’ve dismantled the others.

We acknowledge that what happened mattered. We stop comparing. We realise we can’t just suppress it and move on. And then we’re faced with the full weight of it.

That’s when the thought arises:“I’m too broken.”“This is too much.”“I’m too far gone.”

This can feel deeply convincing and incredibly hopeless.

I know this one personally. During years of addiction, it genuinely felt impossible to change. Like something in me was fundamentally damaged.

To dissolve this myth, two things matter.

The first is trust in process. If others have been where you are and found their way through, then it is possible. Not instantly. Not easily. But gradually.

The second is resourcing. If you keep trying and nothing changes, it’s not because you’re broken. It usually means something is missing. Support. Safety. Capacity. The right kind of help.

When I finally had enough support and resources, what once felt impossible slowly became possible.

Being stuck doesn’t mean you’re flawed. It means the conditions for healing aren’t fully in place yet.

Closing thoughts

These four myths often work together. They keep us minimising, comparing, avoiding, and eventually despairing.

Healing begins when we meet our experience honestly, with support, and without turning against ourselves.

If any of these myths resonate with you, you’re not alone. Many of us have lived inside them for years without realising it.

Take care of yourself. If you’d like to share your experience or what helped you work through these beliefs, you’re welcome to reflect on that in your own way.

Be gentle with yourself.

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This free consultation is a relaxed, no-pressure conversation where we can slow things down and see what’s really going on for you. It gives you a chance to share what has brought you here, ask questions about how I work, and get a sense of whether this support feels right for you. My aim is to offer some early clarity, steadiness, and a sense of direction, without any obligation to continue. It’s simply a starting point to help you decide your next step with more confidence.

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